The next level of growth requires the next level of leadership
What I believe this blog posts will make a significant contribution, especially to individuals with a technical background. Because I was once someone who came from the technical side—an engineer—who thought I could solve everything with knowledge, logic, and analysis first. Then I realized the importance of emotional intelligence and this journey of being oneself. Because technical issues are important to us on one side, but on the other side, being ourselves is very valuable and crucial.
What I will share here will be my experiences on the journey of transforming all this knowledge into skill—of doing, being able to do, and becoming what we know.
My intention is to open the door to this journey with my writings and, as Joseph Campbell said, to begin navigating the caves we fear to enter to find the treasure we seek.
Here, we will ask perhaps more questions than give answers, which is the greatest contribution of coaching, isn’t it? To become aware of our true potential by asking the right questions, and to transform this potential by using our freedom of choice with confidence.
While doing this, I will draw inspiration not only from my own experiences but also from the stories of the thousands of leaders and employees I have encountered in my training sessions and the hundreds I have coached. I hope this journey will be impactful and enjoyable.
Self-leadership is an area that I still find challenging at this age but believe I have made progress in. The best way to regain something is probably to start where we lost it. When do we start losing ourselves? I’ve thought about it a lot, probably starting with school. Because when I see small children at the beach, on the street, or anywhere, I see that they are inherently themselves, and they don’t need a struggle to be themselves.
School, the anxiety of success, etc., all lead us away from being ourselves and towards pleasing others. The thing I value most on my journey of being myself is realizing what I truly want. To know what I want and why I want it. I want to look at this holistically, without separating it into work life and private life.
The most common thing I encounter in self-leadership training and coaching is that clients and participants often live for others, not for themselves, with certain excuses they create for themselves regarding these issues. Of course, identities come before us; we all position ourselves as an employee, a manager, a leader, a spouse, a mother, father or child, or sibling, or friend, or fan. Like a juggler, we try to spin the responsibilities imposed by our identities like balls.
Stress naturally emerges here. Stress, which is a driving force, an energy source for us when we can control and manage it. Stress that derails us when we cannot control it. When coping with stress, we need tenacity and resilience.
With a self that is conscious of the responsibilities brought by our different identities, we need to be responsible for ourselves, and while coping with this, we need to take care of our own body and maintain healthy relationships.
Who we spend time with is very crucial in this matter. Quoting Jim Rohn’s statement that we become the average of the five people we spend the most time with, who we are with is important. It’s about being with people who allow us to be ourselves. Meanwhile, whether the people we interact with allow this is very much related to their own ego states. If the person you are with at that moment is in the parent ego state, it does not seem very possible for them to allow you to be yourself.
In these situations, we seek both the Adult in ourselves and the Adult in the other person. When we stay in the Adult state, we understand what is needed for us, what behavioral attitude I need right now. And if we are with an individual who allows this—or at least allows it when they are in the Adult state—which could be a spouse, a manager, a leader, or another stakeholder, a partner in a commercial venture, we question how much they allow us to be us, and how much we fight for it. Because being ourselves is also a struggle, an effort, an endeavor; the alternative is much easier.
One of our most significant challenges is our relationships with different profiles. For example, conflicts between process-oriented technical teams and results-oriented managers and leaders. The Blues, Greens, Yellows, and Reds. Social styles and behavioral preferences, color energies, etc. My theory and belief here are that everyone actually possesses all of these ‘color energies.’ At this point, we need to develop our Emotional Intelligence, starting from our emotional awareness. We need to know and manage ourselves well, and at the same time, manage relationships despite differences by knowing the people around us well.
One of the most important obstacles to self-leadership is probably not being sufficiently aware of the part of us we call the saboteur or judge, and operating under its guidance. To be aware of the part of us that often makes us feel we did many things insufficiently and constantly pushes us to do better. Of course, we need to be able to distinguish this from our inner motivation that seeks better and to which we owe our development.
If we are aware of our own capacities physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, we can very easily reveal them and diversify our own lives and behaviors. When we succeed in this on our journey of unlocking our own potential, which is perhaps our most important topic, survival, being ourselves, being happy, being balanced, prioritizing our body, and managing our relationships well will all come to the forefront.
Stop just managing the present and start consciously designing your future. The next level of growth requires the next level of leadership.
Sincerely
Erdem Turkkal
